Thursday, 13 May 2010

poem that I made up last year for a book idea

It's called 'Bad Choices' and it is about dating the wrong people. I think you possibly need some pics to go with it but anyway here go's!!


This is Will,

He’s clean and he’s bright,

But, he can’t find a girlfriend

Try as he might.

He’s not at all that fussy

He’d just like a bird,

There’s some in the paper,

Or so he’s heard.

He’d quite like a blonde one

Or a red head would do,

But even better a brunette ….or two.

He sits on his own and peruses the post

Until he finds,

The one he likes most.

An outdoorsy type… that would be great.

A girl from the valleys would make a good mate.

Blodwyn arrived with a donkey and dog,

She came from outdoors

And smelt like a bog.

The dog was so fat he had to be carried.

And Blodwyn?....

Just wanted to be married.

So back to the small ads

For Will double quick.

He puts a red ring

round a cute sounding chick.

When Tina arrived

She was so small

It was like going out

with no one at all

They saw an old man

who was selling balloons

Will bought one for Tina

And then very soon

She was sailing away

heading straight for the moon..

Will rushed to her aid

But it was too late

So there goes another potential new mate.

The next one was Mary

She came from the south,

Will was hoping like hell

Her feet were not near her mouth

Mary was hairy,

It had to be said.

But only a few hairs

attached to her head.

They were dangling from

her armpits and chin,

with a great wooden post

Where her leg should have been.

Mary was scary

Of that there’s no doubt

Will had to think quick

Of a way to get out.

He had to distract her

With some kind of trick,

She couldn’t run fast

With a leg like a stick.

The next one he tried

Said she’s jolly and bright

Will was not prepared

For such a big fright.

This one was big

She was so very large

It was hardly surprising

Her name was Large Marge.

He took her to dinner

To a nice bijoux place

But she couldn’t stop eating

And stuffing her face

She eat all her dinner

And finished off his

Then she polished off

Chocolates and bottles of fizz.

But Marge had not finished

She had not even started

Marge’s best trick

was the way that she farted.

She really let rip

With an earth shattering sound

The wind was so strong

That her feet left the ground.

That’s it, that’s enough

Said Will broken-hearted.

I’m by myself on the shelf

Before life’s even started.

I’m giving up dating

and finding a mating.

I’m getting a puppy instead.

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